I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
