i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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