just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
