Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
we should paint friendship bongs
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