yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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