I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
