Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I need to wash the frat house off of me
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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