I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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