the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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