you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
