I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
