I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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