The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
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