bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
