she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
You smell like a Billy Joel song
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
