Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
