1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize