I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
