Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
im holly from the hills drunk
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize