Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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