U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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