planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
