you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
