Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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