Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
