if i can run in heels then i can drive
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
