She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
