My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
