I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize