If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
