Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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