I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
