I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
