he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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