our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize