look no pants
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
