You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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