toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
