Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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