Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
