I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
