did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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