Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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