If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
