i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
