it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I think my moral compass just broke
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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