Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Randomize
