so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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