I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
