Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
