Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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