What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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