it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
