I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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