almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
