Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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