If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
