You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize