Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I had to cum in my sink.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
