remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize