Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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