You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
