Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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