ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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