At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
this just has baby written all over it
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
