Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
it's like heaven, but drunker
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Randomize
