One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
