how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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