dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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