If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
